There's Comfort in Knowing

When we arrived in San Diego in 2012 we knew that we would be here somewhere between 1 to 4 years--no shorter, no longer. Navy medicine doesn't really make it so that you can stay at a teaching hospital immediately following residency training, so we knew we wouldn't be staying longer than that. But that window was pretty vague in and of itself. How do you mentally manage an unknown, limited time frame that is completely out of your control?

About halfway through the first year we found out that we were staying put for a little while, which allowed the uncertainty of Navy life to take a back-burner spot while we just lived and enjoyed our time here. We knew we would probably be here for just three years, the time it would take Brian to complete his residency, but there was a small possibility for a one year extension if he were to become the chief resident.

While that all sounds great, that extension possibility leads to a lot of questions and some general frustration. Is it worth applying for that job if we have to leave in June? Can we plan this summer trip with friends or will we potentially be out of the country? Do we need to really start tackling our San Diego bucket list now or do we have a little more time to check off those boxes? I try to have a carpe diem-like attitude when opportunities come up, but there is an element of planning and sometimes a sense of urgency (or lack thereof) that comes with being more certain about the near future.

Well, for better or for worse, the wait for those answers is finally over--our time in San Diego will be ending at the completion of this residency year in June of 2015, destination still to-be-determined.

Of course we're both a little sad. We've grown to love it here (I mean, who doesn't?) and have made some fantastic friends that will make it very hard to leave. But on the other hand, it is so nice... so comforting... to know when our general "expiration date" is here. It's akin to the "live like you are dying" mantra, but obviously not nearly as intense. It motivates me to do the SD area bucket list items while we can (like the weekend trip to Vegas we haven't taken yet, the sailing or surfing lessons, the road trip to Julian, the Temecula wine tours... all the things!), and it finally allows me to plan some things out.

We still don't know where they will send Brian, and consequentially me as well, next (we do luckily come as a packaged deal for the most part since he's in pediatrics). But strangely enough, that doesn't bother me in the slightest. I know it won't be here. It won't be DC or Portsmouth either. It could be as far away as Japan or Guam, or as close as Camp Pendelton--but it won't be here.

I guess that's where the flexibility has to come in. I could spend my time stressing out about where we are going to go next--which, let's be real, won't do anyone one lick of good--or I can just accept the fact that it won't be here and enjoy the time we have left accordingly.

My good friend Heather once told me she didn't think she could do it--the not knowing all the time. Sometimes I wonder how we do it, too.... but I think it boils down to embracing the things we do know, and letting the rest just happen. We know that wherever we'll be, we'll be there together. We know that wherever we end up, it's only for a short time in the grand scheme of things. We know that wherever we are, we have a network of amazing people in our lives that will help support us along the way. And now we know when we'll be starting our newest adventure.

There's comfort in knowing.